The True Events of September the 12th

Note : the following is satire. Although true, it shouldn't be taken seriously.
It was a cold September night. Actually hell, it wasn't even that cold. It was a September night like any other. Grizz was busy playing Super Mega Baseball, Outlaw was walking his dog again, Carter was in the bathroom for 2 hours, Peter was in a skeleton costume for some reason and Vulnus was busy becoming the President of the United States. Well anyway, for some odd reason our 4 heroes came together. And joined forces in one single skype call. Let's start at the beginning.

It all started at about 8 pm, when Outlaw and Carter invited Grizz to a skype call. When Grizz joined, he could hear the flushing of a toilet. And he was like “wth m8”. Grizz instantly heard what he thought was Outlaw, but he couldn't make out what he was saying because apparently it's too hard for Outlaw to speak into the damn microphone. When all this was going down, Peter joined the skype call and turned on his camera because he was wearing a skeleton costume. Don't ask me, I wasn't wearing it. But anyway, after an hour or so Outlaw had the bright idea of bringing the man himself into the skype call, Vulnus.

Alright so like, after we got Vulnus into the call we decided that to come full circle we needed Kevlar. But apparently he's too beta to join the call and he was like “no pls no Grizz”. So we didn't invite him. As I was playing Super Mega Baseball, Vulnus starts a speech. No, not a normal one. But this time he's talking about Michael Phelps. Now, believe it or not I'm on my school iPad. So I gotta keep things pretty PG. If you want to know what was said you can just go to the funny quotes page.

So at this point of the call it's getting kinda late for a school night so Peter comes up with the bright idea of joining the best General in the history of Graal. That's right, we're talking about Connor SnowFire himself. But it turns out he wasn't identified. To pass time, Vulnus decides to start training for a Graal marathon by running around the train station. Pretty soon, he turned into the Forrest Gump of Graal and he had everyone following him. People at the train station started taking note of his actions. Arno, being the Hillary supporter he is, said that we should “stop running”. So we obviously took his advice and stopped. During this time period we discovered one of Sherlocks old websites, it's link is graalmilitaryinfo.wordpress.com. On the site, it has all the real stories of Graal militaries, it even has the correct spelling of Arcadia on there. At this point we were tired of waiting, so we invited Connor SnowFire to House Regium. And you'll never believe what happened next.

We decide that it's time for the Regiums to take control. So we all rode out to the York Summer House. Once we were there, we went through the caves in unison. As we rode up to the Summer House, we were met by Morz… I mean Muzak and some other Kaiserreichs. So what do you think we did? We instantly declared war on them. But they were reluctant. So that was Regiums first victory against the Kaiserreich. So we rode off and took refuge in the York Cathedral, where we were met by Naxo. But he didn't really say anything. We decided that it was time for round 2, we decided to show the Kaiserreich some mercy after they surrendered. So Vulnus decided to offer them a best of 17 spar. But again, they declined. So we declared victory again. Regium now had a 2-0 advantage over Kaiserreich. So we rode off for the Cathedral again, and Naxo was still in there hiding from the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler. But anyway, after some discussion we decide that we haven't had enough, so we decided it was time for round 3.

When we came back, Constantine had finally woken up from his beauty sleep and was like “I should probably write a comedic history of Graal militaries.” But we knew that he had already done that with graalmilitaryinfo.wordpress.com, so we kindly said the link out loud so he would be able to remember it. So after that, we did the only logical thing and we instantly declared war on Sarovia. But after our success against Kaiserlich we decided to show them some mercy and we offered them a best of 87 spar to decide the outcome of the battle, we offered the same to Kaiserreich too. But they both declined. We had a 3-0 advantage over Kaiserreich. We then decided that York was rightfully ours because Kaiserreich kept surrendering, so we rode off for the Cathedral once more.

We decided that we needed to end the conflict, so we rode off for the Summer House again. We demanded that they go to Dozers or they had to delete their guild. So a few of them did. While we were riding off to Dozers we went to the train station and informed everyone of the coming war. Tyrell and a few Vaikens showed up, along with a few people from what was left of the State. So what did we do? We declared war on the State and Vaiken.

At this point, we decided that it was time someone acknowledged our triumphs, so the 4 of us declared ourselves Auels, Makos and Vists. At this point Naxo realized that we were the better side, so he joined us. As an Auel, I also gave him the name. Tyrell soon left the battlefield because he knew that he was fighting a losing battle, so Regium finally won the battle against them. The lone state soldier, Rollins, left the battlefield as well. So that ensured that the Regiums defeated the State in battle. So this ends the story of the time the Regiums beat Kaiserreich, Sarovia, State, Vaiken and Agryoyoyoyo or whatever without losing.