A Response to When Pride Turns to Folly: the John Vasa Story by Zearos D. S'ahlesius

Hello all. I'm the guy who once called himself John Vasa. That last name is one I now reject. Really, I reject both names, because I left Graal, but feel free to call me John since you guys probably don't know me by much else. Sometimes every couple months I browse the military wiki out of nostalgia. Today was one of those days, and I happened upon this essay by Zearos. I don't plan on returning to Graal but I was both bored enough and, for some reason, compelled enough to write this response.

I want to preface this by saying why I quit. I quit Graal, if my memory and what I've found serves me correctly, sometime around March of 2018. The community had become so toxic and so time-consuming. It was constant, unending war between Sarovia and its haters, and it frequently got dirty. When I left I finally realized I was not having fun anymore, and had not been for a long time. I had been sticking around for what was left of the RP and because I, for some reason, felt a sense of duty to Sherlock, who had become increasingly mentally unstable. Not to mention my IRL life was changing, and I had less time on my hands. So I decided I'd had enough. I quit Graal and never looked back. I severed all my connections and have not contacted anyone from Graal until now. Sherlock gaslighted me, saying things like, "i'm not in the mood to argue because my fucking dog died but you know i was kinda hoping you'd be there for me." in Discord, but I ignored him. I was done. Since then I've been playing NationStates in my spare time. It's a swell game; try it. The RP and community are, honestly, leagues better than what Graal and Graal Militaries have to offer.

I forget whether I had admitted it between when Zearos released his essay and when I left, but if I for some reason didn't, I'll do it now. I fully and freely admit that what I did to the first era of the New Sarovian Empire and to the Magnus guild was not only wrong, but prideful, self-centered, spiteful, damaging, and honestly, rather useless. I'd like to think that I'm a more mature person now than I was then, mainly because I genuinely don't see myself as I am now doing the things I did; and I don't say that because I have hindsight, but because of who I am now as a person. Zearos is right that long after the fact I continued to believe I was justified, even when Sherlock himself started to call me out on it whenever I brought it up. And I deeply regret that.

I'm gonna be honest, guys, in the headspace I was in, literally the only two reason I didn't think Outlaw would be a good Emperor was that he was on slightly less and that his grammar wasn't as good. I guess I thought because of that that he wouldn't be as mature of a leader as I thought I was? That night I went into a sort of 'manic adrenaline rush' I can't really put into words and I, as Zearos alludes to, went this way and that way and left carnage in my wake. I don't know why I snapped like that. I basically went crazy. I was 15 years old back then- I'm now 18. So I guess maybe it was a maturity thing? I genuinely don't know. But I know I was wrong. Zearos is right that people respected Outlaw more; and that's what matters when it comes to a leader. Power lies where people believe it lies.

That's why the last era of Sarovia I was in never conquered the whole community like the first one did. It had tons of soldiers at numerous points, and we pioneered the idea of bringing militaries to the Portuguese-speaking community. But- I now realize this because after I left I began to think back on our relationship and all we had did together- Sherlock had done some shady shit over the years. When I was in Sarovia's later eras I was part of that regime, and I dismissed it as "doing what needed to be done to survive". I outright encouraged it. But that was wrong and prideful of me. And those actions, which spiked in number in more recent years, turned the community against Sherlock. Sherlock had to constantly recruit and indoctrinate more people to stay alive. He had hordes while everyone else had skill and experience.

Anyways, though, as for Magnus?...I didn't need to do that. Like, what was the goal there? I forget why they wanted to kick me out but I probably earned that kick, most likely due to what I did with Sherlock. But asking him to wipe the guild only made things worse for both me and for the guild. What did I accomplish by doing that?

My point in writing all this was just to respond to Zearos' essay and tell everyone why I quit and where I am now both literally and as a person. I'm not sure where the community is now, if Sarovia or Sherlock or anyone else I knew there or elsewhere over the years is still around, or whatnot, but whatever the case, here we are. I just felt like I had to write a response to his essay (I literally created this account to do just that).

I guess a tl;dr would be that I apologize for my actions and freely admit that I was wrong, I quit because I realized I wasn't having fun anymore, I'm doing better now and I'm much more mature as a person now, and I hope you're all doing OK. As the late great Etika said, have yourselves a damn good one.

~John